This Morning

I slept in late, but then got up and started my morning routine.  He soon crept into my thoughts as he always does in the morning.  I am glad to think of him so often.  I have a faint smile when I think of him sometimes, but most of the mornings I carry a heavy heart.  I try to quell that heart with coffee and the computer.  Distractions do wonders when you are in grief.  I decided this morning that after breakfast and a few really good songs that I would get up and start picking up the living areas.  I noticed my steps are heavy as I move about, picking up random memories of his life and death strewn about like seeds waiting to trigger a reaction in my heart.  The house is starting to look a little better as I organize and clean up.  But it will never look good, my baby is not watching me intently as I pick up and watch him while mommy grabs a few extra hours of sleep.  My heart is heavy because he is trying to hang on to me as I work, I carry my son with me always and forever will.