I want a baby

I want a baby, bad.  Not just any baby, my baby.  Do not expect me to be running around Babies R Us like its Black Friday and every baby is up for grabs, I want to put in my time and do it right.  But I want it now, I hate this waiting game life plays with us and says 9 months till its ready!  (Or 7 months if you're Marcellus.)  But I guess it is necessary and adds to the old excitement of having one. Everyone sees a baby bump and goes bonkers, "oooh is this your first one?"  "do you know the sex yet?"  "can I touch it?"  Questions we got with Marcellus and questions we will get again, and since we will be walking around without him, people will naturally assume that it is our first.  It isn't.  I have a son, a beautiful, wonderful, perfect little angel who watches over me every day.  How do we tell people that?  Do we lie and say 'yes' and beat ourselves up later?  Or do we figure out an answer that honors him and satisfies the question without the awkward 'I'm sorry' bullshit we put up with.  I guess we have to figure that out if we are lucky enough to get pregnant.  I say lucky enough because we know now how much this baby things is up for chance. 

We are not guaranteed a baby, pregnancy after the first trimester does not mean that no matter what we are bringing a bundle of joy home.  Pregnancy now means 9, or 8, or hope not 7 months of worrying, wondering, high-risk doctor visits, cervical ultrasounds, progesterone, prostaglandin, and on and on. Pregnancy no longer means 'I cant wait to meet him/her', baby showers, the carefree attitude we had last time.  But even though pregnancy has changed, and it will be hard, I want to do it.  I want to support my wife no matter what throughout it.  I will not complain like I did last time when she was laying on the couch and I had to fetch her water or food.  I will gladly help her in any way I can. 

I will wait for my rainbow baby, and when I get him or her I will love them the way Marcellus showed me!