We got the Birth Certificate today. I was excited to see the letter. I have his birth certificate, he was real! I walked to the house slowly as I looked at it. Walking in the door my wife notices a changed expression on my face. She asks what is wrong and I say "deceased in the corner." Even his goddamned birth certificate is stained with his death. It permeates everything about him. Our child has been defined as the dead son. I was so looking forward to his birth certificate in being the one thing untouched by his passing. My ticket into the world that he was alive. I have the official copy of the death certificate in the state of NC I wanted him to exist living in the state as well. However it is not that. Another disappointment in my life when it comes to me and him.
Marcellus never disappointed me, not even by dying....I DISAPPOINTED HIM! I cannot do anything right! I failed to keep him alive, I failed to get his birth certificate while he was still living, I failed to put the damned batteries in the camera before my wifes first K-care with him. I failed noticing something was wrong the day he was born. I failed him so miserably. I am so lonely without him. I feel so lonely, so sad, so broken.
I hate this. I have nothing else to say other than I hate this and this sucks. I lied, I have one more thing to say. Marcellus, I love you so much I miss you more than anything possible. I love you baby!
I was so sad to find out that in NC they do not issue birth certificates for stillborn babies. It was like a slap in the face, like they were saying Lily never existed. But, thankfully as of October, they changed the law. Though she was stillborn, she was just as real as any baby born alive. Of course it has to say "Certificate of Birth Resulting in Stillbirth," which sucks, but I'm thankful that I at least have proof she was real. She was STILL born!
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